mission impossible 3

My friends and I have a joke about Tom Cruise's recent movie. We dub it Mission Impossible 3, subtitled "This time, it just can't be done." Then, we hum the movie theme happily (duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn, dah duuuuuuhn!) and we have a good laugh. The producers, director, and scriptwriters of this film. Who do they think they were kidding?

Impossible Missions Force (IMF) Agent Ethan Hunt (Cruise) has almost settled down to a life away from the dangers of his job. On the night of his engagement party, he is hauled back into active duty from semi-retirement (IMF agent training) when his former student (Keri Russell) is taken prisoner by a black marketer. Russell dies. Villain kidnaps Hunt's fiancé. He is forced to steal against his agency. The mole surfaces. Hunt kills everyone that matters. End of story.

Why Hunt would retire in the first place was never explained credibly in the film. When he teams up with Ving Raimes, with whom he worked in the first two M:I films, the wind blows through Hunt's hair and he is all smiles: he doesn't look like he has aged at all. A quiet life and that much self-assurance doesn't seem to match. Besides, do you remember a Tom Cruise film wherein Cruise, as the protagonist, actually faced a problem he seemed incapable of solving? Me neither. Cruise can't seem to accept that he can't act. Instead, parts are made for him.

So much for a credible conflict wherein Hunt will face and emerge hurt but triumphant. You sort of get the feeling that Hunt will come out of all this alive, good-looking, smiling, and with his woman. Oh my God, that's exactly how the film ends.

Far fetched scenarios, gadgetry every time, duhn duhn duhn score now and again, a bountiful of explosions, face masks and voice perfectly mimicked, well-coordinated team movements, a villain designed just bad enough but not character-deep so that Hunt remains on top of your waning attention span.

Pretty soon this will be in HBO. Not worth the ticket. If you notice that the pop corn tastes bad during the film, it's not the pop corn, or you, that's a little off. It's the film.

It's just, impossible. (Dah duuuuuuhn!)