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The Bomb Squad, a section of the more responsive Special Weapons and Tactics division of the Metropolitan Police, filed a report that was read out loud 23 August 2007, during a Senate hearing attended by hundreds, on how come only two senators were left alive after all twenty four of them attended the engagement party of the President's daughter.

"The two Senators [a former starlet and a former basketball player] went to one of the farthest and thickest-walled areas of the President's mansion," the Bomb Squad leader began. He said it haltingly into the microphone of the hot but fully air-conditioned hall. His dark blue uniform clung to him in the heat, and he wiped his forehead with a hanky.

The Vice President, from behind and at the center of the half-moon table across the same kind of table where the bomb squad leader sat, asked the policeman to explain in detail this area, this area found to be far from the center of the explosion, an explosion that killed the invited captains of industry, Tim Yap, and some other irritating news anchors and columnists (who can't write anyway) whom no one will miss.

"It was the private bathroom of the President, Mr. Vice President." Murmurs of disbelief from the audience and members of the press filled the hall. The VP leaned back for effect, looked away, took in the moment. The murmurs died down and he leaned close to the mic.

"Perhaps they relieved themselves at the same time." Hoots and laughter from all around. The VP is smiling with the audience. This is his moment. He who casts the first gloat wins.

"Yes, Sir," the policeman said, "one can imagine the lovely Senator sitting on the toilet while the former coach relieves himself standing up, in full view of the other."

"You trying to be funny, Captain?"

"No, Sir. The expensive facilities in the comfort room allow only that explanation, assuming you use the term 'relieve themselves' to mean simultaneous urination."

"Are you offering another explanation?"

"No, Sir. Forensics found traces of semen. Semen is not usually funny, Sir." Tears of joy filled the media members' eyes; they could not stop themselves--they stomped the floor they stood on, threw knowing looks at each other, and yelled and clapped at the wit of this policeman. Screw the alleged sanctity of a Senate hearing. Most of the Senate is dead. The remaining two are elsewhere. And no one in the room hardly remembered that so many people are dead. [The President and her daughter, sadly, were late to their own party, and therefore survived.]

"Where were such traces found?"

"The bathroom, Sir."

Woohoo! -- a photographer yelled and the audience followed with more hoots.

"Quiet, quiet!" the VP yelled. When the murmurs and jeers died down, he asked, "Are you saying that you can place the two senators at the bathroom at the time of the bomb explosion?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Definitively?"

"Yes, Sir."

"But the semen traces could have been left there by someone else."

"That is correct, Sir."

"So how can you be sure the semen came from, err, one of the senators?"

At this, the policeman leaned back, looked away slowly, sighed, and went back to the mic. "You have to understand, Sir, that my team was barred from examining the crime scene. We were only allowed unrestricted access to the surrounding area, which we examined. Evidence we thought was related to finding the culprits we were ordered to turn over to the Office of the President."

"Yes, of course. We all want to get to the truth."

"And what materials we found to be unrelated to the manhunt for the culprit we brought back to headquarters and merely filed."

"Yes, it's your procedure, I've been briefed. Go on."

"And that our computers sometimes crash, and so we uploaded some materials to the Internet."

"That's unorthodox, but I guess given our cost-cutting measures, that can't be helped."

"Sir, perhaps this is not the venue to discuss these things..."

"Nonsense! Tell us, tell us all here, tell us the truth. Hold nothing back."

Slowly, the captain spoke. "Sir, we have, ahm, security camera foot--" But he was never able to finish his sentence. The audience ooooooh'd in unison, drowned the voices of the police and the VP, and started chanting, "Scandal, Scandal!"

The media suddenly jumped over the cordon separating them from the rest of the inquiry; they jammed their recorders and mics into the captain's face. Camera lights and lens focused on the one who would let out a bomb. Where is the footage? Where is the footage?

The captain's lips could be seen making out two distinct words.